Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
