I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
