Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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