Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
