Plan B is the new Plan A
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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