Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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