he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
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Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
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I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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