he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
