Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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