escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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