oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
