I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
