i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
