We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
