so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
