According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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