I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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