I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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