You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
