Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
