I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
