Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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