I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You've changed since you got that strap on
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
