the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
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I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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