he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
