Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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