My balls are so social today.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
