Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"