i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis