in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer