Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.