Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.

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(631): conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers. http://tfl.nu/22w1

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(703): View more from Virginia

nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase

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(703): nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase http://tfl.nu/yg43

Replies (11) Good night (4741) Bad night (1501)
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(503): View more from Oregon

like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be

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(503): like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be http://tfl.nu/q4d6

Replies (166) Good night (2247) Bad night (4121)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now

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(715): You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now http://tfl.nu/q56d

Replies (59) Good night (7859) Bad night (853)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.

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(203): I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further. http://tfl.nu/4sxq

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(308): View more from Nebraska

this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous

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(308): this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous http://tfl.nu/2tix

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(903): View more from Texas

I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.

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(903): I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission. http://tfl.nu/3lm1

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.

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(401): All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well. http://tfl.nu/04zy

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.

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(603): I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob. http://tfl.nu/3ajr

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(703): View more from Virginia

There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.

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(703): There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened. http://tfl.nu/llik

Replies (19) Good night (1597) Bad night (1033)
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(309): View more from Illinois

Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.

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(309): Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs. http://tfl.nu/8989

Replies (5) Good night (969) Bad night (735)
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour

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(774): It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour http://tfl.nu/kved

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(303): View more from Colorado

All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"

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(303): All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over" http://tfl.nu/zffi

Replies (3) Good night (1231) Bad night (437)
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(248): View more from Michigan

I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....

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(248): I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him.... http://tfl.nu/0ivu

Replies (0) Good night (548) Bad night (492)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....

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(780): you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all.... http://tfl.nu/mw1d

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