Texts From Last Night

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  (830): View more from Texas

  If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice

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  (830): If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice http://tfl.nu/5b32
  Replies (37) Good night (3963) Bad night (955)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?

  (1-859): View more from Kentucky

  im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Guys should not giggle. Ever.

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  (859): Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean? (1-859): im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle (859): Guys should not giggle. Ever. http://tfl.nu/p9xa
  Replies (22) Good night (3166) Bad night (802)
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  (530): View more from California

  I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.

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  (530): I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame. http://tfl.nu/96nu
  Replies (45) Good night (776) Bad night (2613)
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  (925): View more from California

  Wait, how do girls masturbate?

  (1-925): View more from California

  I dunno we use shower heads I guess.

  (925): View more from California

  ..how does it fit?

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  (925): Wait, how do girls masturbate? (1-925): I dunno we use shower heads I guess. (925): ..how does it fit? http://tfl.nu/ktf5
  Replies (85) Good night (2231) Bad night (5940)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.

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  (609): I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something. http://tfl.nu/5sjh
  Replies (21) Good night (5143) Bad night (1267)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"

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  (734): What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?" http://tfl.nu/tcpf
  Replies (26) Good night (3423) Bad night (1393)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious

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  (219): My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious http://tfl.nu/6jx4
  Replies (10) Good night (3876) Bad night (1082)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom

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  (317): I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom http://tfl.nu/przj
  Replies (9) Good night (3106) Bad night (1136)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.

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  (219): You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty. http://tfl.nu/gbls
  Replies (5) Good night (2456) Bad night (817)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.

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  (919): We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible. http://tfl.nu/ny7k
  Replies (0) Good night (865) Bad night (485)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.

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  (810): I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP. http://tfl.nu/97xo
  Replies (7) Good night (2621) Bad night (645)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.

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  (518): Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window. http://tfl.nu/wq4x
  Replies (4) Good night (705) Bad night (325)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

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  (401): Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. http://tfl.nu/awxp
  Replies (1) Good night (395) Bad night (737)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.

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  (662): She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER. http://tfl.nu/ip4a
  Replies (5) Good night (380) Bad night (787)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.

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  (337): I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it. http://tfl.nu/cfzm
  Replies (1) Good night (635) Bad night (369)

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