What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.