she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
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I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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