you mean i was at the winter classic?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
