I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken