I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize