My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
