im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
