I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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