We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
