How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
