whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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