chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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