the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
