Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
COCAINE IS GR8
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
