Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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