She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
