I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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