He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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