I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Text me some of your sweat
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
