her vagine was all disorganized.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
