i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
