your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
