We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
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Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
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Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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