Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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