god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
