Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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