Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
