im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
