We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
