you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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