That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
