i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
