Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
