So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
