I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
