I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
