I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
