The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
A+ Viking dick
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
