i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
