I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
