i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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