Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
