Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
